Musings from Miami

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Sat, 07 Nov 2009 06:03:36 GMT

03:31 used the park tool chain cleaner for the first time today, nice little gadget. I never thought dish washing liquid could clean a chain. #
03:37 @ssanj not too bad. Works sucks as usual. How are things with you? #

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Halloween

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 18:35:01 GMT

Happy Halloween, by the way.

Hard Week at Work

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 18:33:12 GMT

I have just had the hardest week at work ever.

I'm working a new job now, at The Watershed, one of the nation's best private residential substance abuse treatment centers. I'm doing important, life saving, life changing work, getting to know my patients intimately and making a real difference in their lives. It is very rewarding.

But *#&%*^&$%& it is hard work. I've been there for less than a month and already I've been yelled at, cursed at, insulted, had my family insulted, told I am a bad counselor, and accused of being a liar. It's incredibly difficult, working with patients who are often irritable and irrational while detoxing, who want our help but don't want to accept the rules, restrictions, structure, and loss of control that go along with successfully treating something as difficult to treat as an addiction, and who react to their feelings of helplessness, fear, and vulnerability by showing anger towards others (often me). Plus the hours are insane -- to meet the needs of my demanding patients and do all the paperwork required, I've been working from 8:30 AM to 8:00 or 8:30 PM every day, plus I have an hour long commute each way, so I've been leaving home by 7:30 AM and I don't get home until after 9:00 or 9:30 PM. Nicole has been pissed because she never gets to see me. I feel the same way.

I am so tired!

Moving and Unemployment Update

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 14:11:07 GMT

I can't believe it's nearing the end of September already. As usual, it's been awhile since I've written in this journal. I really did intend to write in it more often, if for no other reason than for the writing practice (which I definitely need), but I think I've dreaded writing lately since all my writing for the last several years has been academic writing.

I've had a lot of changes in my life lately. As I have managed to write before, I met a girl. We recently had our six month anniversary and have since then moved in together. It was more of a practical decision than anything, since my lease was up and there was no way she could continue to make house payments on her own now that she's gone back to school and started a Masters program in English. (Plus we like being together.) But I'm not used to sharing my space, and not counting sharing a room with my brother when I was 13, I've only once had a roommate previously (when Markov and I shared an apartment). This is different, though. We've already had a couple of blowup fights, and we get on each other's nerves more, but I take it as a good sign that we still like each other most of the time.

It's also been a big adjustment for Ciara. She's never had to share an apartment with anyone else, and she's never been around any other cats before, so moving in with a human she previously seemed to hate as well as with three other cats has been a huge adjustment for her. She's doing surprisingly well, though. My predictions for what would happen were (1) she would try to dominate/bully the other cats or (2) she would have a heart attack from the trauma of moving, living with a strange human, and being around three cats. Instead, she suddenly started being nice to Nicole (whom she used to hiss at, hide from, and swat at), and after spending a few days hissing at and hiding from (but not swatting at) the other cats, she calmed down, they seemed to work out their own hierarchy, and Ciara adjusted. As I write this, Ciara is resting on the back of my chair, another cat (Mittens) is resting by my feet, a third cat (Abigail) is resting on the armrest of a love seat across the room, and I hear the tag of the other cat (Fenway) rattling against the food bowl.

Nicole and I have quite a menagerie now. Mittens is her oldest cat, about 8 years old (the same age as Ciara) and our only male cat. An orange tabby cat, he's the alpha male of the bunch; the other cats defer to him. Apparently he doesn't usually like men -- he still only tolerates Nicole's dad -- but the first day I came over he crawled into my lap and fell asleep, so he seems to like me. Fenway is the next oldest of Nicole's cats. (Yes, her name is Fenway, as Nicole is an avid Red Sox fan.) A big fuzzy gray cat, she is clearly the fattest and none too bright. Nicole says she didn't know how to be a cat until Mittens took her under his wing and showed her how. For example, she used to pee on the floor next to the litter box because she'd go halfway in, feel litter under her front paws, and think it was okay to go, and she still drinks out of the water bowl by dipping her paw in and drinking out of her paw (I've never seen a cat do that before). Abigail is the youngest and spunkiest of Nicole's cats. Dark gray on her top half and white on her bottom half, she has a stubby 3-inch tail and was born blind in one eye. When Nicole first adopted her, she tried to dominate the other cats, but Mittens and Fenway shunned her. She's a shy cat (it took her awhile to warm up to me), but she's also probably the cutest, taking off running for no apparent reason and begging for attention with her tiny high-pitched mouse-squeak of a meow. Now we've added Ciara to this bunch, my 8 year old but still very energetic and slender spunky black cat ("the bitch kitty," as Nicole calls her). Ciara spent a lot of time hiding from the other cats her first two weeks in the new house, but she seems to have adjusted very well and appears to have established her place as the alpha female; Abigail and Fenway defer to her, while she defers to Mittens. (I happen to find cat social dynamics fascinating -- and very cute.)

This is also my first time living in an actual house since moving out of my parents'. Well, technically it's a duplex, but it's close enough. It's a large, 2 bedroom, 2 bath duplex with an office, dining room, enormous kitchen, attached garage, and patio. We had to get rid of my futon, her couch, and a couple of other things, but it was big enough to accommodate pretty much all of my stuff.

My parents came from Indiana two weeks ago to help me move, so they met Nicole's parents for the first time. They had already gotten to know Nicole pretty well, between me talking about her, Nicole flying to Vegas after my brother's wedding to spend a long weekend with my family, and Nicole and I coming to Indiana last June to visit, and they had heard good things about her parents, but they hit it off really well. The day they met, our dads were even coincidentally wearing the same outfit (black polo shirts with khaki shorts), which was kind of funny. Right away, our parents were warm and genuinely comfortable with each other -- not just making polite conversation and being nice but seeming to actually like each other. That was nice.

The biggest news of late, though, has been my unemployment. I've never been unemployed before, but my job ended at the end of August, and I've been drawing unemployment since then. I was really worried I wouldn't find a job in this economy, especially since I now live in a small town of about 16,000 and have to drive at least 30 minutes to get to a city of any size, plus I really can't afford to be unemployed for more than a few weeks. Fortunately, I just accepted a job at The Watershed, a private residential substance abuse treatment facility in Boynton Beach about 45 minutes away. It's going to be hard work, working long hours with a difficult client population, I'll be driving 90-120 minutes a day (depending on traffic), I have to work holidays, and I won't get any vacation for six months. But I'm happy that I'm employed, and that I'm doing something in my field instead of loading boxes or waiting tables. In name, it's a postdoctoral position, but it's basically a job that I can keep until I defend my dissertation and accrue the 2000 hours of service I need post-defense in order to get licensed as a psychologist in the state of Florida, so it's a pretty good opportunity for me.

I also just got a brand new 2010 Mazda CX-7 (my first new car) after my 1993 Buick Skylark with more than 200,000 miles on it finally bit the dust, so life is pretty good for me right now.

On to finish my dissertation! (More on that soon.)

Another Insane Work Day

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 02:57:30 GMT

Today was an insane day at work. I made the mistake of scheduling 4 intakes last Thursday, and I was out sick on Monday, and June 30 was end of the fiscal year, so I'm still playing catch-up from these things. Today I got up late, quickly swung by my Hialeah office to drop off paperwork from last week on my way in to see clients at my Kendall office, when my supervisor caught me and told me he needed my paperwork from this Monday and Tuesday right away -- like, now -- for the end of the fiscal year. So I had to take an hour and do paperwork. Never mind that I had clients scheduled starting at 9:30 across town and it was 9:20. So I did the paperwork and ran across town to Kendall to see clients. I didn't get there until 11:00, but fortunately my 9:30, 10:00, and 11:00 clients didn't show up and my 10:30 client didn't show up until 10:50, so it worked out. Then I saw clients constantly, ending the day with a particularly complicated intake that took me 3 hours -- a kid I ended up giving no less than 9 diagnoses (no kidding -- check this out: ADHD, Conduct Disorder, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Polysubstance Dependence, Cocaine Dependence, Cannabis Dependence, Xanax Dependence, Ecstasy Abuse, and Alcohol Abuse (poor kid)). Then I did paperwork until 8:30 in an effort to catch up. I'm still not caught up yet, but I've made some headway. That was my day -- just another typical day of insane paperwork (and, oh yeah, seeing clients, too).

I'm looking forward to a long Independence Day weekend -- I'm heading up to Stuart to hang out with Nicole and her parents, watch fireworks, go snorkeling at Bathtub Beach, and work on my dissertation. After the week I've had, I'm actually looking forward to working on my dissertation.

A Quick Update on My Life

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 02:47:36 GMT

I really need to post in this thing more often.

Let's see. What have I been up to? (Am I really beginning a post with a series of questions to myself? I guess it's been awhile since I've written. Either that, or I'm rambling.)

My doctor is an idiot and I don't have diabetes (or hepatitis - apparently some liver test was off a bit). I was supposed to go back for a follow up after a month (and that was about two months ago), but I haven't followed up on that, and since my doctor didn't even bother to schedule an appointment, I'm not going to bother, either.

Work for the JETS Program is still insane. One of my bosses (who some people have taken to calling "Prada Lady" after Merrill Streep's character in "The Devil Wears Prada") has made my work environment a little uncomfortable by occasionally yelling at me (I think she thinks I'm incompetent), but I've managed to avoid meeting with her for several weeks, plus I've been managing to work less than 50 hours per week, so work is going okay. I've also gotten some compliments lately from clients, parents, and probation officers who are happy with my work, so that feels nice. Now I just need to find a job to start once my current position ends at the end of August.

Things with Nicole are still going well. Her parents adore me, my parents love her, and even though we've spent only two days apart during the past three weeks, I'm not getting tired of her in the least bit. Her mom keeps making me food, and her dad offered to loan me his car last week when mine was in the shop -- that's a pretty big deal. Nicole and I visited my family and friends in Indiana earlier this month. My friends all seemed to like her, and she got along famously with them. She met my extended family, and they were all very warm and welcomed her with open arms. Nicole particularly liked my grandma. Everyone seems to like the idea of Nicole and me as a couple, so I take that as a good sign.

The dissertation is still unfinished. I am painfully close to being done but other things keep coming up (like getting my car repaired). I have managed to work on it for at least an hour a day for the past three days, though, so that's progress.

My car is finally fixed. I've had five, no six repairs done within the past week. Last Monday I drove back to Miami from spending the weekend in Stuart with Nicole, and by the time I got to work, the engine was smoking. By Monday evening, I had overheated the car to the point where it shut down in a left turn lane and I could not get it restarted. So I had it towed to the Buick dealership. The dealership parking lot was gated and closed (in spite of an after-hours drop), so I then had it towed to a Pep Boys. They wanted $80 just to do a diagnosis, so I just had them replace a burned out headlight and drove the car (two miles, overheating, in heavy construction traffic) back to the Buick dealership, where they replaced my cooling fans. They wanted over $200 to replace the battery, though, so I took the car back to Pep Boys and had them replace the battery. That was my Tuesday. I had to cancel several clients since I had no car to get to work. Nicole saved me, though; she is on summer break and was nice enough to come down to Miami and take me to and from work (and auto repair shops), so I only missed half a day of work (Even so, I still worked more than 45 hours last week.). Then on Wednesday, the car appeared to run fine until I was leaving a client's home up north (nearly in Broward County), when it wouldn't start. Not even the door locks would work. Apparently my battery terminals were rusted near the starter, so I had to have those cleaned on Thursday. That was an expensive week. Then last weekend Nicole's dad helped me reattach my hood release switch to the hood release cable and fixed my broken center console lid by cutting a spring (for free, thankfully), making that six repairs to my poor old car in as many days. I hope she runs okay for awhile now.

My brother just got back from his honeymoon. I haven't talked to him since he got back, but apparently he had a really good time, except for a day and a half long unplanned layover and a really rough plane ride.

I also had a fascinating discussion with my friend Kelli yesterday about hypothesized microbial causes of mass extinctions in the fossil record. Seriously. Yes, I'm a nerd.

That's all that's up with me, I think.

Visiting San Francisco

Sat, 02 May 2009 18:32:56 GMT

Well, in spite of multiple attempts, I still can't get LoudTwitter to update LJ whenever I Twitter. So I'm giving up and going to start cutting and pasting my Tweets here from Facebook (at least until I get bored of it).

May 1 at 12:30 PM: Finished an insane work week before noon yesterday: >40 hours in 3 1/2 days.

May 1 at 12:36 PM: In California now, just outside San Francisco, for Nicole's best friend's wedding - my first time on the west coast. :-)

May 1 at 12:40 PM: American Airlines lost my luggage. :-( My carry-on luggage! <:-o That takes real incompetence. >:-(

May 1 at 6:57 PM: I got my luggage back.

May 2 at 2:20 PM: Saw San Francisco yesterday: Golden Gate Bridge, world's crookedest street, Coit Tower, streetcars & electric buses - and the Pacific.

So I'm in the small town of Pleasanton, California, just outside of San Francisco at the moment. I'm here for Nicole's best friend's wedding, in which Nicole is the Maid of Honor - pretty important for her, so she was excited to have me come along. I've never been to California or the Pacific before, so it's been pretty neat for me. Yesterday, I did some sightseeing. I saw the Golden Gate Bridge, drove down the world's crookedest street, went to Coit Tower (a monument constructed in honor of the firefighters who died fighting fires in the aftermath of one of San Francisco's worst earthquakes last century), saw the famous streetcars and electric buses, got stuck in traffic, and saw (and touched) the Pacific Ocean for the first time. I went up to the water and touched it, but didn't go swimming or walking in the surf or anything, as it was 55 degrees F and raining.

I'm still pissed because American Airlines lost my luggage -- my carry-on luggage, no less, on a nonstop flight! It's the first time an airline has lost my luggage, and I think the first time I've flown American Airlines. I won't be using them again. I mean, talk about incompetence! I actually had the bag with me on the plane, but I was one of the last people to board and the overhead bins were full, so they took my bag to put it under the plane -- and then put it on the next flight. Apparently they took it back into the airport instead of simply putting it into the belly of the plane like they were supposed to. I can understand them losing checked bags - that's a risk you know you take any time you check luggage. But losing a carry on? I showed up in San Francisco with only my laptop, my iPhone, a travel pillow, and the clothes on my back. I had to run out and buy a nightshirt and shorts, underwear, and deodorant and borrow a toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, and shampoo, just so I could go to sleep and get ready yesterday. I will be writing a sternly worded letter to their customer service department (and send a copy to the CEO's home, if I can find out who and where that is) asking for a refund or credit on future airline tickets.

Firsts

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 14:19:57 GMT

I got this awhile back, and I finally decided to complete it.

1. Who was your FIRST prom date?
Kelli Gibson

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love?
No

3. What was your 1st alcoholic drink?
Beer

4. What was your FIRST job?
Working as a janitor at my old high school

5. What was your FIRST car?
A 1981 Chevy Malibu Classic, a.k.a. The Big Brown Boat.

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
No one yet

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?
Nicole

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher?
I don’t remember. Mrs. Cameron, maybe? I had two, one for regular classes and one for academic/gifted classes.

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?
Disneyworld, when I was 2 ½ years old.

10. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk?
My first best friend was Brian Hipp. We haven’t really talked since high school, though I worked with his mother during college.

11. Where was your FIRST sleep over?
At Spike’s

12. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?
Nicole

13. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?
Richard and Andrea Thompson’s

14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?
Rolled over and went back to sleep

15. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?
A Christian concert in my ultra-Christian days – a no-name artist – don’t remember his name

16. FIRST tattoo?
None

17. First piercing?
No piercings

18. First foreign country you've been to?
Canada

19. FIRST movie you remember seeing?
Biloxi Blues

20. When was your FIRST detention?
I never had detention. I was very well behaved/”square” in school. I was once supposed to have detention after getting three tardies in one semester, but the assistant principal looked at my record, saw that I had never been in trouble (and this was my Senior year of high school), told me not to be late to school again, and tore up the referral.

21. What was the first state you lived in?
Indiana

22. Who was your FIRST roommate?
Markov (unless you count my brother)

23. If you had one wish, what would it be?
To find a good tenure-track professorship

24. What is something you would learn if you had the chance?
To play the piano

25. Who do you think will be the next person to post this?
No idea

Diabetes or Not

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 13:50:35 GMT

I went to the doctor a few weeks ago for a simple checkup - I wanted to make sure I didn't have any STD's (since I'm in a new relationship), and I wanted to get a routine checkup (since it's been 9 years since I've been to the doctor). I was expecting to go in for an hour, get my blood drawn or take a urine test, and then get the results by mail or telephone. Instead, I had to wait 2 1/2 hours to be seen, go someplace else for my labs (both blood and urine), go back to the doctor to get my results, go back to have some labs redone, buy a blood sugar monitor, monitor my own blood sugar by regularly impaling myself in the finger (does this count as Self-Injurious Behavior?), and go back to the doctor a third time. Fun.

My doctor thinks I have latent diabetes based on my first labs. He said my blood sugar was high. He also doesn't speak much English. (He said I have "LAT-tint DI-uh-BEE-tees.") Only when I went back to get my labs redone, they told me that one of them had to be done after fasting for 10-12 hours, which no one told me before I did the labs the first time. My doctor (and the lab techs) conveniently forgot to mention that part. My blood sugar on the initial labs was 120, and when I visited my doctor to get the results and he stuck me in the finger, my blood sugar was 127. So I got online and did some checking. Apparently, the normal range for blood sugar for a fasting test is 70-99. So if I had fasted, my levels would have been high. But the normal range while not fasting is 70-150. I had to go get a prescription blood sugar monitor thingy, and I've been sticking myself in the finger to monitor my blood sugar. So far, my highest result is 130. So my blood sugar is a little on the high side but well within the normal range. My doctor is an idiot.

I still plan to have the second labs done and visit my doctor once more to confirm, and because on the labs my Creatinines were high (1.45), my Glom Filt Rate was low (57), and my ALT (SGPT) was high (68), which could indicate kidney problems (or may mean nothing since I wasn't fasting), so I want to rule that out. And I may just have to point out to my doctor that he's an idiot.

Do you know that during my initial exam, he asked me only three diagnostic questions? ("Why are you here?", "Do you have any symptoms?", and "Do you have any family history of medical problems?") He also took my blood pressure and listened to my heart and breathing. But apparently he's relying entirely on my self-report and on the lab results. I ask my patients hundreds of questions on a routine diagnostic interview before I make a diagnosis! I find it disturbing that 6 years of medical school didn't train my doctor any better. He won't be my doctor for long.

I hate it when I'm smarter than the people I go to for specialized services like that. What the hell am I paying them for, then?

Posted using TxtLJ

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 17:14:44 GMT

I've been updating this journal regularly using Twitter, but unfortunately LoudTwitter fails to deliver any of them (though I've set it up twice). :-(

More Vegas Pics

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 23:04:01 GMT

I just added more Vegas pictures to my Facebook account:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/album.php?aid=13004&id=1655410135
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/album.php?aid=13007&id=1655410135

Vegas Pictures

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 22:29:16 GMT

I thought I'd post some pictures from my recent trip to Vegas for my brother's wedding. I put them on Photobucket:

http://s228.photobucket.com/albums/ee22/bethshalmoth/Vegas/

I've posted a few below.

I didn't get very many pictures of the wedding (but my brother's photographer did):

My brother at the after-wedding "reception" dinner at Margaritaville

The proud parents of the groom

Bride and groom wandering through the lobby of the Flamingo, where we stayed

Nicole and I went to the Venetian:

The lovely fountains inside the mall

The gorgeous Italian architecture

The cute couple (aren't we cute?)

We also went to the Hilton...

...and the Stratosphere...

... with my parents...

...where my dad and I rode Insanity, a spinning top ride over 1,000 feet above Vegas:

My brother and I went to Paris...

...and Caesar's Palace:

My parents and I went to the Luxor...

...and Fremont Street...

...and New York...

...and Excalibur:

My favorite, though, was the Bellagio:

Beautiful flower gardens

Me and Nicole

Even more beautiful at night

A glowing quartz obelisk

A Zen garden (or the largest litterbox I've ever seen)

Lovely indoor fountains

And, of course, the outdoor musical fountain

We had a lot of fun!

http://s228.photobucket.com/albums/ee22/bethshalmoth/Vegas/

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 06:09:25 GMT

Wow, it's been 6 weeks since my last non-Twitter post. As usual, I've been insanely busy. I finally finished writing Chapter 4 of my dissertation after 5 months of data analysis -- incredibly slow! (Imagine swimming through molasses; that's how it felt.) I've just been demoted at work from a Resident to a Pre-Resident, which was not unexpected since I still haven't defended my dissertation and I've been working a position that's supposed to be a Postdoctoral Residency. Fortunately, I won't have to take a pay cut (very fortunately), but it was embarrassing having my boss's boss chew me out for not living up to expectations that were never made clear to me in the first place. I handled it very diplomatically, kept my head down, said very little, and even apologized "if I did anything to put you in a difficult situation" and thanked my boss's boss for giving me the opportunity to work there (instead of laying into her for forgetting several of our earlier conversations and acting like she didn't know what was going on). Fun! Anyway, it's on to Chapter 5. And final revisions to Chapter 1. And major edits to Chapter 2. And Tables, Figures, and Appendices for Chapters 3 and 4. I've stopped trying to spend every free moment on my dissertation (since free moments are few and far between), and instead I've been trying to work on my dissertation a little every day, at least for an hour or so. I'm making much better progress lately.

My brother got married three weeks ago, in Vegas. I flew out for a long weekend to be in his wedding. It was an intimate, brief ceremony in the gardens of the Flamingo hotel, just me and my parents, plus his bride's parents, sister, brother-in-law, nephew, and two family friends. It was nice. And I think it was a good idea to break up the wedding ceremony from the reception, to make the planning a little easier. (His reception and honeymoon will be in June.) My brother is now a married man -- and I have a new sister-in-law, Stephanie. It was also my first time in Vegas, and I had a lot of fun. I did a lot of sightseeing, and took a lot of pictures. (I'll have to post some of them on PhotoBucket.) I also won $185 on the penny slots and enjoyed it so much I bought a little souvenir slot machine that I brought back with me.

I've also been really distracted by a new girlfriend. Yay for me! It's been a little over a month and we're still together, which makes her the third longest relationship I've ever had. So I take that in itself as a good sign. Her name is Nicole, and I met her on eHarmony. We got matched early this year, spent a couple of weeks getting to know each other online via the eHarmony website, and then spent about 15 hours talking on the phone before we met in person. She's an excellent conversationalist - she loves to talk and is easy to talk with, which I find very appealing. We got to know each other quite a bit by phone, and then we had our first date on Saturday, February 28. We hit it off right away, spent pretty much that entire weekend together, and were exclusively dating by the end of the weekend. We've spent every weekend since then together. She lives in Stuart, two hours away, so either I spend the weekend there with her or she comes down to Miami and spends the weekend with me.

Nicole is amazing. She's intelligent, easygoing, mild-mannered, empathetic, talkative, easy to get along with, mature, financially responsible, organized, and a planner. She knows what she wants and doesn't seem to be afraid of commitment or getting involved with me. Oh, and she's cute, too! She is a middle school English teacher who wants to go back to school, get her Masters degree, and maybe become a college professor like me. I've never met someone whose personality is so similar to mine. We're already finishing each other's sentences and she's accused me on more than one occasion of reading her mind. I really like her a lot, and she seems totally in to me, too. I've deliberately delayed writing this post because I didn't want to write about yet another girl I've met and fallen for only to have her break my heart, but it looks like this time might be different. In just over a month, we've already gotten pretty serious. We're already talking about the future, and the possibility of being together for quite awhile. She was my "plus one" at my friend Tanya's wedding, and she even flew out to Las Vegas the night of my brother's wedding to spend the rest of the weekend with me -- in Vegas! And I'll be flying to California next month to accompany her to her best friend's wedding, in which she is the Maid of Honor. So it's pretty serious. I think this one's a keeper!

Writing as Therapy

Sat, 21 Feb 2009 21:33:34 GMT

I just read a fascinating article about the therapeutic benefits of writing. Here it is.

The U.K. *Telegraph* includes an coverage of a neuroscience presentation at the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science: "AAAS: Writing poems helps brain cope with emotional turmoil, say scientists; Writing poems or songs - no matter how bad they are - could be good for mental and physical health" by Richard Alleyne, Science Correspondent in Chicago.

Here are some excerpts:

Putting pen to paper is said to help the brain "regulate emotion" and reduces feelings of anxiety, fear and sadness. Researchers claim the act of writing about personal experiences has a cathartic effect because it inhibits parts of the brain linked to emotional turmoil, and increases activity in the region to do with self-control. The quality of the verse or prose written has no bearing on the effect on the author. In fact, scientists suggest that the less vivid and descriptive the piece, the better. Now they hope to develop therapies based on their findings that could be used to ease social fears and phobias.

Dr Matthew Lieberman, a neuroscientist at the University of California, outlined his findings at the American Association for the Advancement of Science in a lecture called Putting Feelings Into Words. He said that expressing yourself in print was "a sort of unintentional emotion regulation. It seems to regulate our distress," he added. "I don't think that people sit down in order to regulate their emotions but there is a benefit. I think it could play a role in why many people write diaries or write bad lyrics to songs - the kind that should never be played on the radio."

Dr Lieberman proved the therapeutic power of writing by scanning the brains of 30 individuals while they described distressing pictures. He found that the act tended to reduce activity in the amygala, a part of the brain connected with emotion and fear and increased activity in
the pre-frontal cortex, the mind's regulator. This suggests that the mere action of writing about an emotion was a way of calming down the brain and re-establishing mental balance...

In another trial, writing was used in conjunction with exposure therapy for people who had a phobia of spiders. It was discovered that writing about their fears actually boosted the effect of the therapy compared with people who did not put pen to paper...

Dr Lieberman said that the effect was negated if the writing was too vivid or descriptive because it led to people reliving their trauma.
Also, typing was not as good as writing long-hand. "You have to write about it in a detached way," he said.

****

This is the first thing I've seen that suggests that writing things longhand might be better for you than typing things, although it makes sense. If I want to say something quickly in writing, I type it. If I have to write it, that takes longer and more self-control, so maybe that taps the prefrontal cortex more.

Survey Thingy

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 23:32:50 GMT

I got tagged to do a survey thing, so I'll do it. But I'm not tagging anyone else to do it, partly because I'm supposed to tag 8 people not counting who sent this to me, and I only have like 4 friends, but mostly because I have a policy of ignoring any kind of chain mail letters. Years ago, I forwarded a chain mail letter to end all chain mail letters that went something like this:

"This is a chain mail letter to end all chain mail letters. Please forward it to at least 15 people, then delete it. In so doing, you agree never to forward another chain mail letter again and to delete all chain mail letters you receive from this day forward (including this one, if you get it again). If you never forward another chain mail letter again, then all the good things promised to you in all the chain mail letters you subsequently receive will happen to you, so long as you don't forward those letters to anyone else. But if you forward a chain mail letter to anyone, then you will receive all the bad things mentioned in all chain mail letters you receive, past and present. If everyone does this, then all chain mail letters (including this one) will soon be deleted, and we will never be bothered with chain mail letters again."

I am thus contractually bound never to forward any chain mail letters to anyone. Tagging does not count, unless I am tagged by a note that says I have to tag others. So I am posting here, but not tagging.

SURVEY THINGY

Make a list of 5 things you can see without getting up:
TV, cat, table, another table, computer desk.

How do you style your hair?
I wash it.

What are you wearing now?
Underwear & shirt.

Who was the last person you said 'I Love You' to?
My dad.

coffee or tea?
For me, the question would be "Frappuccino or Chai?"

Who was the last person you hugged?
My grandpa.

What's your current fandom/obsession/addiction?
Fandoms: Stargate, Lost, House, BSG, CSI: Miami.
Obsessions: Correct spelling, decent grammar, making the first letter of each line capitalized, and finishing my dissertation!
Addiction: I'm addicted to Coke. Or Pepsi.

What would you most love to be doing right now?
;-) Uh huh.

What was the last text message you received?
A friend telling me not to call her at work. Since I don't know her work schedule, I guess I won't be calling her again. At least not during the daytime.

What websites do you always visit when you go online?
E-mail.

What was the last thing you bought?
A camera bag.

What would you like to be listening to right now?
I'm not listening to anything right now and I have a ton of music, so I guess nothing.

What's the last song that got stuck in your head?
I don't remember. It happened just yesterday, but I forgot it. (That was kind of the idea.)

If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
Yeah, mind control would be pretty cool.

What is your favorite weather, and why?
Thunderstorms!

If you could play any musical instrument, which one would you play?
The piano.

How are you?
Fine. How are you? Really, this isn't a question -- it's a greeting.

Your dream career?
Psychology Professor, Scuba Dive Instructor, or Time Traveler

Tagged for a Meme Type Thing

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 21:27:29 GMT

Kay_brooke just tagged me to fill out the following survey. I posted a reply, but I thought I'd post it here, too.

* * * *

Okay, I'm not sure what being tagged means, except that I guess you want me to reply, so here goes. (If I was supposed to reply somewhere else, I didn't get that. Maybe I'll repost this to my LJ.)

01. What is your favorite show on TV?
Stargate: Atlantis, House, or Heroes (at least until Lost comes back)

02. What are you wearing at the moment?
Brown jean shorts and an old T-shirt with a faded horse on it.

03. What was the best part of your day?
Getting a phone call from a friend who's taking me out for my birthday.

04. What is your favorite scent?
Scent? I've never thought about it. I'm gonna say fresh air, with a hint of dandelions and freshly cut grass. Reminds me of summertime in Indiana as a child.

05. What is your favorite drink?
Alcoholic: Kalua or Apple Pucker. Non-alcoholic: Snapple Mango Madness

06. What do you drink the most?
Cherry Coke, Wild Cherry Pepsi, Mocha Frappuccinos, V-8, and Strawberry Snapple

07. What is your favorite restaurant?
Outback

08. What will you be doing after finishing this?
Working on inputting data for my dissertation

09. What did you want to be when you grew up?
A doctor of something (but not a medical doctor)

10. Your favorite romantic movie?
Titanic?

11. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
One of the smartest (and most anxious) people I have ever met

12. What are you afraid of?
Being alone. Failure.

13. What's your favorite item of clothing?
Does my suit of armour count?

14. What time do you usually go to bed?
12:00-1:00am usually

15. What's on your mind?
FINISHING MY DISSERTATION

* * * *

I guess I'm supposed to tag five people to do this, too, but I don't have any friends! Actually, I don't know how to tag. (Other than a LJ entry)

Nano Story Opening

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 20:29:37 GMT

Here's the opening I wrote for Shzemnatolat, my novel I finally started writing for NaNo.

A butterfly fluttered across the country road as the first rays of sunlight came flowing over the horizon. It floated for a moment over a cluster of flowers still wet with dew, seemingly enchanted by the prisms of sunlight sparkling forth from the droplets of waters as they caught the first light of the day, and then it lit upon a long blade of grass next to the road. A slight breeze stirred up a wisp of fine dust from the dirt road, barely swaying the flowers and the grass. A single cricket ceased her nighttime song as a group of birds somewhere chattered at one another loudly, making strange chirping noises. A slight scent of flowers and dust stirred in the cool morning air.

All of a sudden the air tingled, and a flash above the road momentarily overwhelmed the light of the morning sun. The butterfly took flight, alarmed by the strange electric feel of the air, and as the flash of light faded, a glowing orb appeared, filled with an otherworldly blue light. Flashes of miniature lightning cascaded from the center of the orb to its periphery, and had there been anyone around to witness the spectacle, they would have seen the light inside the six foot sphere coalesce into the figure of a human. Arms, legs, a torso, and a head appeared, solidifying from waves of electric energy into a man, five feet eight inches tall, pale skinned and middle aged, with graying red hair that blew in rhythmic spasms as lightning waves coursed through it. As soon as the man coalesced, the orb vanished and the last waves of electricity faded away across the surface of his skin. With a grunt of pain, the man doubled over and fell across the country road. He was in a significant amount of pain – not the most pain he had felt in his life, but somewhat like he had just been punched in the stomach while receiving a moderate electrical shock. He gasped in air – he could breathe at last, and the crushing cold and boiling-blood-feeling which had overwhelmed him just moments earlier was now gone, replaced by a cool breeze and warm rays of bright morning sunlight. He was safe, for the moment.

But safe from what? Where had he just been that was so frozen and blood-boiling at the same time, if such a thing was even possible? And why was he so scared that his heart was about to pound its way out of his chest? It surely had something to do with the frozen-boiling feeling. And where was he now? He hadn’t a clue. In fact, as he slowly opened his eyes and found himself lying in the dirt, it began to dawn on him that he didn’t know… anything.

“What the hell?” he said out loud, trying to shake loose the cobwebs from his brain and hoping his mind would clear. For the moment, anyway, he could not remember anything. Not who he was, where he was from, why he had just appeared out of thin air – not even his own name. He felt a strange twinge of irony, as though amnesia was a familiar story – an over-done story – yet here he was, with no memory of… anything.

He sat up and pulled himself to the edge of the road, just in case something should happen along that might run over him. He looked around, not really seeing the flowers and grasses and bushes and trees around him, trapped alone inside his own head with nothing but his own disorientation to keep him company. He shook his head in an attempt to clear it, then examined the back of his right hand for a full five minutes, as though if he stared intently enough at the wrinkles on his hand, he might find some answers written there.

Just then, something flashed into his head. “Tom!” he exclaimed aloud, triumphant. His name was Tom. He could remember no more, but this, at least, was something.

Tom gazed into the morning sky and could see the moon directly overhead, a waxing crescent more than half full. He looked over at the sun, then glanced to the south. The moon was there, too, also a waxing crescent more than half full, much closer to the horizon. He studied it for a minute, trying to figure out if he was seeing double, if he was seeing an optical illusion or mirage, or if his mind was playing tricks on him. Something didn’t add up. Tom couldn’t remember much of anything, but he was pretty sure the Earth didn’t have two moons.

Suddenly it got brighter as more sunlight streamed over the horizon, and after a few moments it became clear to Tom that he was watching the sun rise – again. Only the sun was already several inches above the horizon. Strangely fascinated, he watched as a second sun began climbing into the sky. So transfixed was he by this unusual sight that he did not realize as he glanced northward that he could see a third moon, this one nearly double the size of the other two. He stood up and turned to the west, and gasped with disbelief as he beheld an enormous orange-brown planet filling up more than a quarter of the western sky, surrounded by a spectacular Saturn-like ring system, silver in color and angled 45 degrees to the horizon. Two more moons were visible to the west, one directly in front of the ringed planet. It was utterly beautiful, yet so shocking and unexpected that Tom literally gasped out loud. “Where the hell am I?” he wondered aloud, then thought to himself, “We’re not in Kansas any more.” He could not remember what Kansas was, but he knew that it didn’t have two suns, five moons, and a planet in its sky.

Science versus Faith

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 20:26:58 GMT

I've been following an interesting conversation on one of the lists I'm a member of -- the NewPsychList, a listserv for early career psychologists. Over the past several days, there has been an interesting exchange on science versus religion, with the list moderator referring to belief in God as scientifically untenable and emphasizing the importance of questioning one's beliefs, and with numerous people writing in to object to or support the sentiment. Here's what I wrote:

Wow. Great conversation. I’ve enjoyed following this line of posts. It’s nice to see a (mostly civilized) dialogue about religion and its role in psychology. I particularly enjoyed reading the comments of people who are calling for cooperation between science and religion, rather than a science vs. religion approach which is all too common among both scientists and religious leaders. I had a feeling when I read James’s original post that there would be some strong reactions:

“Psychological testing should be targeted towards identifying men who want to make careers out of helping people believe in myths.”

My first thought was that James was using the academic meaning of the word myth – a sacred story involving symbols and multiple meanings, a larger-than-life story of great significance that is by definition considered to be true to its native culture (as in a story of mythological proportions). Predictably, most people reacted by assuming he meant a fictional story (which apparently he did, based on his responses).

James, I applaud your efforts to apply critical thinking to the basic tenets of religion. Faith, as the term is popularly used, by definition involves believing in something in the absence of evidence. Yet unexamined faith is immature faith, or at least less developed than faith which has been critically examined (at least according to James Fowler’s (1983) conception), so I think it is admirable to apply critical thinking to religious thinking. From a scientific point of view (and psychology is a science), that’s essential for knowledge to develop. From a religious point of view, a faith unwilling to be examined is a weak faith – you should at least know what your opponents say so you can defend what you believe. I’ve enjoyed reading the conversation/debate. One thing has been notably missing, however: How do you define God? In scientific inquiry, one of the first things a scientist always does is operationally define the terms of inquiry. So to disprove (or prove) the null hypothesis that God does not exist, God must be operationally defined. For example, defining God as “a bearded man who lives in the clouds and does magic tricks” makes the existence of such a being fairly easy to disprove (e.g., with aerial scans, satellite imagery, etc.). Conversely, defining God as “an immaterial being outside the universe who influences the affairs of humankind” (or, worse yet, as “ineffable” or “undefinable”) makes him/her/it/them considerably more difficult to (dis)prove. On the other hand, defining God as “the source of the universe” or “something which is all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-present” makes the existence of God much easier to prove (if anything at all exists). I’m just curious to know how James and others on this list would define God. It’s a rhetorical question, but feel free to respond.

My second reaction to James’s post was the potential for him to make a clinical judgment error called clinical judgment faith bias. A misconception exists that religiousness is associated with psychopathology, though there is no empirical evidence that religiousness is associated with a greater occurrence of mental health problems. In fact, much of the evidence points to the opposite conclusion – that measures of religious involvement are positively associated with mental health outcomes, suggesting that people who are religious may be more mentally healthy than their secular counterparts (Koenig, 1998, 2005; Miller & Kelley, 2005; Oman & Thoresen, 2005). Yet research to date suggests that some clinicians make different and often more negative clinical judgments for clients who are very religious than for clients who are moderately religious or nonreligious (Gartner et al., 1990a, 1990b; Houts & Graham, 1986; O’Connor & Vandenberg, 2005). Because these clinical judgments disregard relevant base rates of pathology among religious clients, they represent a type of bias that clinicians should be aware of. Just thought I’d throw that in for consideration (it’s the topic of my dissertation!)

Good conversation!

Taking Time Off for Dissertation Writing

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 19:20:44 GMT

It's November, and I'm still not finished with my dissertation! I've taken the next several days off work to work on it, so hopefully I can make some significant progress by next week. I recently sent my 16th revision of my hypotheses to my dissertation chair (I'm not kidding). Now I have revisions to make to Chapters 1-3, data to enter and analyze, and Chapters 4-5 to write up.

I've also started NaNo -- National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). I've been trying to write every day, but I've succeeded in writing only 3 pages so far. It's not going so well, and I'm finding it difficult to write -- I keep worrying about my dissertation, and I'm stuck as to how I want to begin my story. I need to make some decisions to make some progress (and I need to focus on my dissertation right now). But at least I've started the novel I've been (thinking about) working on for (literally) the past 15 years!

Obama Won!

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 19:13:21 GMT

Obama won! I'm excited, because being a Democrat from Indiana, it's not often that the candidate I voted for actually gets elected. I feel like there is hope for the future. I feel like a candidate who actually sort of represents everyday Americans just got elected. And, for the first time in a long time, I feel proud to be an American.

What's more, Obama not only won the electoral and popular votes, he also won Florida -- and Indiana! Indiana hasn't gone Democrat for a Presidential election in decades -- since the 1960's, I think. I am so proud that my home state actually made the right decision! It was very close, decided by less than 26,000 votes, but Indiana actually went Democrat!

Posted using TxtLJ

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 14:35:05 GMT

Finally got to vote.

Posted using TxtLJ

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 14:05:15 GMT

Still waiting to vote. I've never had to wait more than 10 minutes before (in Indiana, or for the Florida primary).

Posted using TxtLJ

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 13:09:11 GMT

I haven't posted in awhile. I'm currently waiting in line to vote. I've been here since 7:15 AM, and I'm maybe halfway through the line.

September 11 Thoughts

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 02:32:47 GMT

I recently saw a September 11 writing prompt asking where I was and what I was doing on September 11, 2001. I’m 6 days late, but I thought I’d take this opportunity to recount my flashbulb memories from this fateful day.

On September 11, 2001, I was halfway through my Masters degree in Counseling at Indiana University. I woke up a little after noon that day. I worked the night shift at Steak ‘N’ Shake three nights a week to supplement my student loans and part-time computer tech support job, so even on days I wasn’t working, I often slept until noon if I didn’t have morning classes. I had a 2:00 staff meeting at the community counseling center where I was doing my practicum hours, so I roused myself from bed, took a shower, got dressed, gathered my things, and drove to campus where the center was. I stopped at Taco Bell to pick up a quick lunch and ate in my car. As I usually do, I turned on the radio to listen to the daily news, and they were talking about dust. Clouds of dust filling the streets and coating everyone in a thin, oppressive layer that made breathing difficult and turned everything a pale shade of gray. At first, I had no idea what they were talking about. Then I heard them mention the World Trade Center and thought, “Wow, this is a retrospective of the World Trade Center bombing [of the early 1990’s] I’ve never heard before.” (I sometimes think in quotes.) Gradually, though, it dawned on me that they were talking about something which had happened that day. My heart started pounding, and I really wanted to know what had happened. For the next several minutes I listened intently, realizing that something really bad had happened in New York City but having no idea what had happened, until finally they did a recap. Suddenly I learned what had happened. I sat in my car in stunned silence, and I quietly cried. Then I went to the counseling center staff meeting, where we discussed how we as a center were going to respond to the tragedy and the outreach services we were going to provide. I vividly remember walking in to that meeting room, and the television was on. Since I’d only just learned about the events of that day – and on the radio – those were the first images I saw of the twin towers being hit. And just as I began to see for the first time the unreal images of the towers falling, they turned it off!, saying, “We’ve all seen these images over and over.” Only I hadn’t. I didn’t see the images until I got home that night.

I never spent much time watching the news about the 9/11 attacks. Going straight into a staff meeting right after learning of the attacks let me hit the ground running, so I never spent much time processing the trauma of the event. Now, though, when I see retrospectives of the 9/11 attacks and hear personal testimonials of people who survived – or of people whose lives were touched by those who didn’t survive – and I start to get choked up, I wonder if I have processed it.

Or maybe this is the kind of mass trauma that will (and should) always be disturbing.

Here’s what I wrote about the day in my old journal:

Entry Two Hundred Seventy One – Tuesday, September 11, 2001; Starting at 8:45 AM E.D.T.

Today is a day that will live in infamy. Four U.S. airliners, packed with passengers and fully loaded with fuel for cross-country flights from the East Coast to the West, were hijacked by terrorists linked to Taliban militant and wanted criminal Osama Bin Laden. Two were crashed into the World Trade Center towers in New York City and one into the Pentagon in Washington, DC. The fourth, possibly bound for the White House, crashed into the countryside of Pennsylvania, the hijackers apparently overcome by rebelling passengers hearing news of the other terrorist attacks. Firefighters and paramedics rushed into the World Trade Center to evacuate the thousands inside. Some were evacuated safely before first one and then the other tower crumbled like professionally dynamited buildings. Thousands were killed. Millions mourned. The world watched in horror. And, sixty years later, the sleeping giant awoke once more.

8:45 AM EDT: American Airlines Flight 11, Boston to Los Angeles with 92 people onboard, crashes into the north tower of the World Trade Center in New York City.

9:03 AM EDT: United Airlines Flight 175, Boston to Los Angeles with 65 people onboard, flies into the south tower of the World Trade Center.

9:40 AM EDT: American Flight 77, en route from Dulles Airport, Washington DC, to Los Angeles with 64 people onboard, crashes into the Pentagon.

9:48 AM EDT: The U.S. Capitol and the West Wing of the White House are evacuated.

9:49 AM EDT: The Federal Aviation Administration bans all aircraft takeoffs in the United States.

9:50 AM EDT: South tower of the World Trade Center collapses.

9:58 AM EDT: Emergency operator in Pennsylvania receives a call from a passenger on United Flight 93, Newark to San Francisco with 45 people onboard, stating the plane was being hijacked.

10:00 AM EDT: United Flight 93 crashes about 80 miles southeast of Pittsburgh.

10:29 AM EDT: North tower of the World Trade Center collapses.

11:00 AM EDT: New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani orders lower Manhattan evacuated.

2:51 PM EDT: U.S. military deploys missile destroyers and other equipment in New York and Washington.

8:31 PM EDT: President George W. Bush addresses the nation, vowing to punish “evil acts.”

I can only call for compassion, and hope. And, if there is a benefit to this terrible tragedy, it is the reawakening of hope.

Until next time,

And there will be a next time,

Kevin A. Harris

P.S. I wrote this Journal entry in retrospect, after a timeline and pictures had been posted online, and after I had had a chance to realize the full gravity and significance of the events of September 11^th.

Ike Update

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 02:28:46 GMT

Ike ended up completely by-passing Miami, though Texas got hit pretty hard.